Posthumus
by ShingeckoInsurance
Summary: If things had gone differently, if he'd told him, perhaps he would still be here. [Eruri mpreg]


It had been a week since Humanity's victory over the titans. It had been fascinating, to see the titans respond to the coordinate and tear themselves apart. Self-destructive behaviour in titans was something Hange had never seen before, she'd only heard it described in the journal of Ilse Langnar.

In humans, it was much more common.

The battle had been rough on them all, her broken shoulder was a reminder of that, but the aftermath had been tougher.

Erwin Smith was not reported back with the rest of the them. There would be no recovering his body. Not until settlement was approved, and by then not much would be left. Just bones.

It had been one week since his death and Hange hadn't seen Levi since. He hadn't left Erwin's room. They had been close, unbearably close. Hange had assumed they would eventually marry, so it was no surprise that Levi was mourning him so intensely, but he hadn't eaten since that day, not that she'd seen, anyway, and she refused to lose another friend.

She knocked on the door, once, twice, a third time before opening it anyway. Levi lay in Erwin's bed, curled tightly on his side with the blanket pulled up to his chin. A sliver of forest green covered his nose and mouth, and with a pang she realized the cloak must've belonged to Erwin. It held the mark of the trainee corps, of which Levi had never been part of.

His eyes were rimmed in red and stained dark underneath. He was pale and drawn, nestled in bed like a sick child. Not a word was spoken as Hange shut the door behind her and padded over to the bed, sitting on the end next to Levi's feet.

"I know I'm probably the last person you want to see right now, but, Levi," she paused turning her head to look at him. He was even more sickly looking than she had originally thought, "You need to survive. You don't have to shoulder this alone, but we've won now. You can have the life he wanted for-"

"Stop…" his voice came out in one tone, the same as usual. "Zoe, stop."

"Levi, it's only been a week, but you need to let go eventually."

"I can't! I can't ever let go, dammit!" He raised his voice, and Hange was shocked. Levi was snide and gruff, sure but he never raised his voice.

"Of course you can-"

"You don't understand…" He was crying now, tears spilling hot down his pale cheeks no matter how hard he tried to stop them. Levi hadn't cried since she'd known him, and according to him, not since he was a child. He choked back a sob, "Hange," his voice was pleading, "I'm pregnant."

"Oh."

"Shit. Fuck."

"Levi…" Hange reached a hand out to touch his shoulder, sighing as he flinched away. It would've been exciting, one of the best things to happen around here in a long time. But, Erwin was gone. And there was no filling the hole he'd left. Especially not for Levi.

This fact explained his pallor and the intensity of his emotions, but it also made his situation just that much worse. He hadn't eaten, the baby hadn't either.

"I'm going to go get you some food, and you're going to eat it. We can talk while you do."

"Don't bother, I'll get sick."

"You need to eat. The baby-"

"I know. I can't- I can't take care of them." Levi curled closer in on himself, clutching his stomach, jaw clenched and lip quivering. He was broken, she realized. He'd lost the person he loved most, who most loved him, and the father of his unborn child.

"Then let me help you, alright? I'll get you some plain broth and we'll see how you do."

Hange was in tears as she left for the kitchen. Erwin and Levi were dear friends of hers, and she couldn't afford to lose them both. If Levi lost the baby- no. She couldn't think like that. They would both be safe. She would do this for her friends, help their baby into the world.

Levi breathed in the scent of Erwin, fading too quickly from his old cloak. He wanted to sleep forever, had dreamt of Erwin the past few nights. Erwin smiling at him, Erwin kissing his belly, Erwin holding him and humming to himself.

He hadn't known that he was to be a father. Levi hadn't told him. Maybe if he had, Erwin would have been more careful, maybe he would've survived.

He would give up entirely if it weren't for the baby. Levi clasped his hands over his stomach, biting back a sob.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, unsure of who exactly he was apologizing to. The baby inside of him, or its father.

He would never see Erwin again. Never hear his quiet little laugh, his low rumbling voice again. His child would never know its father, never be held in his strong hands.

It wasn't helping to think this way, but feeding his grief was a part of the process, right? It would pass. It would hurt like hell, but then it would pass. Like any wound. It had to, or it would kill them both.

His body had already begun to change to accommodate the child, chest tender and a little swollen. He would give birth in roughly nine months, a little less and that thought terrified him. When he'd imagined the idea of children, Erwin had always been by his side.

The plan was changed now.

Levi burrowed into the blankets, feeling himself relax a little at the warmth of the bed they once shared. If he closed his eyes, forgot a little, it would be like laying in Erwin's arms again. Since it was the closest he would ever get, he curled tighter, lulled by the heat.

They would survive this.

Levi ate in silence, Hange watching him take every mouthful of the broth, as if to make sure he didn't choke. She noted the way his other hand lay across his belly, rubbing gently. It warmed her a bit, to think of Levi, humanity's strongest soldier, expecting a little baby of his own.

"Congratulations, Levi," she smiled weakly, " I mean, I know it's not...the greatest of times but-"

"Thanks, Hange." he closed his eyes, tucking his feet up under him on the bed. That was another thing, him calling her by name rather than his usual vulgar epithets. A change had occurred in him. Unsurprisingly. They had all changed. They were lost, happy in their newfound freedom, but lost nonetheless.

Levi's eyelids were growing heavy, but he found himself wanting to stay awake out of fear that dreams would only pour salt in the wound. His stomach was roiling, but he willed himself to keep down what he'd eaten. It was important that he stay well fed. He had someone else to look after now.

"Your baby is going to be okay, Levi. As long as you keep eating, keep hydrated, sleep, recover. And I'm gonna help you do just that."

"Hange…"

"I'm not a midwife, but I'm a fast learner, I can read up on this stuff so I know what to do for you and the little bugger. Let me do this, please." She whispered, slowly reaching for Levi's shoulder. He didn't flinch away this time, instead he leaned into the touch, desperate for some human contact.

"Give it a little more time, and we can listen to the heartbeat, I swear Levi. You can hear that little miracle in your tummy."

"I'm not even big yet, shitty glasses, so don't call it that."

"Well fine, how well are your pants fitting you, huh?"

"Shut up," Levi hid his face in his hands, shaking his head. He really was an open book right now, he would have to be careful around the cadets and the public if they so happened to poke their heads into his personal business.

"You are going to keep them, right? I mean, it's fine if you don't want to, I shouldn't have assumed-"

"I'm keeping the baby."

"Good. That's good," Hange sighed in relief, a smile coming across her face, she froze, and her smile fell. She looked at Levi gravely serious, big brown eyes brimming with sincerity, "He'd be proud of you, you know?"

Levi stayed silent, breathing in deeply. Erwin would be so happy to be a father, a little scared too, but Levi could imagine the look on his face as he told him. It was something he had looked forward to from the minute he found out he was pregnant. Only, now…

He drew in a quivering breath, and Hange leaned into him, wrapping her arms around him and holding his head close to her chest.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you-"

"No it's fine- I just… it's not gonna be okay for a while."

"Just remember you've got friends, okay? Don't forget that. It's going to be hard, Levi. On all of us."

But especially you, she finished silently.


End file.
